Paul Simon Pulls a David at the Convention

Watching Paul Simon perform Bridge Over Trouble Water at the Democratic Convention and I couldn't help thinking of that story that Nathan tells David in the Bible about the rich man who kills the one lamb of the poor man so that he can feed his guests and then Nathan thunderously condemns David as being that man.

Paul Simon has a rich and long writing and recording history. He has won Grammys, he has platinum solo albums, he has critical acclaim as a songwriter, has has fame, he has everything. To top it off, he was tasked to be the Official Democratic Troubadour for the convention.

What does Garfunkel have? He has one song that he didn't write but that he can sing really well. Really well. It's a song that everyone wants to hear him sing. That song is the only reason that people will ever go to a Garfunkel concert. It's his ace in the hole for being able to negotiate Simon and Garfunkel reunion tours that get him that extra few millions to survive another decade.

And you know Simon hates it. He hates that he wrote the song but let Garfunkel sing it. He hates that the reason they can pack hundreds of thousands of people to Central Park or the Colosseum in Rome is not to hear him sing 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover but to hear Garfunkel sing Bridge Over Troubled Water. I cannot imagine the countless times he has ground his teeth in rage as Garfunkel sings lead on one song and his clear tenor dissolves the audience into weeping and cheers.

I don't know who came up with the idea of Simon singing Bridge Over Troubled Water. It could have been a Clinton staffer trying to unite the party and like all incompetent politicos didn't have a clue about pop culture. Or, they could have asked Simon to sing a song and he thought, "Now's the chance, my time has come at last! Under the guise of unity, I will reclaim the song I lost 46 years ago!"

And he went out on stage, hauled out Garfunkel's little lamb, and slaughtered it in front of God and his country.


(Shine on, Art.)

Doug goes to Wave Records

Contrary to how they are depicted in popular culture, record store clerks in the US have never been particularly interested in talking about music or helping me find a record. (It is very likely that they look at me and think that this nerd isn't worth my time. My prime example of this is when I went to Disc Go Round as a teenager and there was a sign that said: "Please let me know if you know which song has these lyrics." I looked saw the sign and looked at the girl at the desk and said "That's High by Feeder." And she looked at me like I was insane. "The song with those lyrics. It's High by Feeder."   I could tell that she did not believe that the person in front of her would know the song and she didn't. "I have the song. It's Feeder. They are British." Finally, she just said: "Oh, ok." And that was that.)

But the record store clerks in Europe have been great. In Budapest, I went to a place called Wave Records. It's one room that is absolutely packed with CDs and LPs (including a Kraftwerk LP way high up on the wall). I looked around at all the English-language CDs mustering my courage to ask the tough-looking Hungarian clerk if he had any indie rock Hungarian bands he would recommend. The poor guy spoke hardly any English, but he spent the next twenty-five minutes browsing through the latest Hungarian CDs and selecting three for me to listen to. One was the most popular Hungarian indie band, one was a band that he knows and has seen live, and one was a band where he explaines that their sound has evolved over the last three albums into aomething that he thinks is really great and different. And you know what? He was right! That last CD was very different but very cool sounding. I bought it. And that was despite the language barrier and that I was dressed in my work clothes so did not look at all like a typical patron. Just some top notch clerking. 

(The sad thing to me is that all young Hungarian bands sing in English. I asked for Hungarian language bands and he only was able to find one for me and unfortunately, I didn't like their sound. Maybe there are others that he doesn't know about, but I just wish more bands sang in their native language.)

Hungarian Folk is Rock Music

British Sea Power's Do You Like Rock Music? baffled critics because the critics thought that the BSP boys were trying to play rock music. Instead, in the liner notes BSP noted that they were, in essence, equating rock music with goodness. And much of the album (notably No Lucifer) dealt with the battle of good and evil, with BSP coming down on the side of deer, old bicycles, darker skies, the wind in your hair, innocence, and immigration.

This somehow relates to my experience watching Hungarian Folk music and dancing. I promise.

Around the corner from my hotel in Budapest, is an old building. (That's a joke. Everything is an old building.) In this particular old building on the European second floor (American third floor) is a theater and in that theater, a Hungarian Folk Ensemble performs nightly. The theater is full of tourists and not just any tourists, but Old Tourists on Cruises. Budapest is one of their Port of Calls and apparently, part of the deal is going to see this Folk Ensemble. So, you would think that this would just be a Grade A tourist trap, like going to the Bar F in Cowboy Town, USA and watching three men in chaps, cowboy hats, and bandanas play Old Suzanna on the guitar with some funny lyrics while you eat pork and beans and wish you were dead. But you would be completely and utterly and gloriously wrong.

Because these Folks bring it and bring it hard. They seem unable to do anything at half-speed and how could they? Hungarian Folk Dancing isn't like square dancing or maypole dancing or Seven Brides for Seven Brothers dancing. It involves boot stomping, boot slapping, hand clapping, thigh whacking, ground slapping, chanting, and yelling. Some times, it almost seems like they are trying to sing to the music, but then it goes back to chanting. The women periodically unleash these "YEEEE-AH"s that pierce your soul. But, in the end, the dancers are a mere distraction away from the musicians.

The musicians are exactly what you would imagine folk ensemble would look like if you pulled them from a Hungarian village one hundred years ago. Mostly middle age, some older and pot-bellied, only one slightly younger, most with thinning hair, and one guy who looks like he could be a vampire, skinny, with thinning, slicked back long hair, a weak goatee, and a sallow complexion. At first sight, it looks like a farce. And then they play and they play with the intensity of the best rock bands I have seen. No sheet music. Each takes turns being the lead and as the lead, he sets the pace and the others watch to keep up. And when those dudes take solo turns, they shred like the great guitarists. The clarinet might be the worst instrument ever created, but this Hungarian absolutely destroyed his solo in Brahms' Hungarian Dance. I have never seen anyone yield a reed instrument in any comparable way. Left me stunned. The violinists played like their fingers were on fire, like the devil was chasing them, like the entirety of their life, the tragedies and the joys, were all being expressed through their instrument.

They joked with each other, they pushed each other to play faster, they played because they loved the music and it just so happened that an audience was watching. It was thrilling. Even if there had not been an audience, I think they would have played the same way.

It was Rock Music.

Using Brexit to leverage change in the UK's approach for Eurovision 2017

The morning after Brexit, there was some concern among the British citizenry that exiting the EU would also mean that Britain was exiting Eurovision. Thankfully, David Cameron provided sterling leadership in a time of crisis and explained that participation in Eurovision was independent of membership in the EU.

But, what Cameron did not address is that the UK is abysmal at Eurovision. Over the last four years, it has finished no higher than 17th out of 26 countries and the music has been generally pretty insipid, even by Eurovision standards.

Here is Bonnie Tyler with a terribly cheesy song in 2013:



Someone named Molly in 2014 singing about Children of the Universe:




A complete mess in 2015:



2016 was pretty decent in my mind. Kind of Coldplayish arena stuff. But it was not well received by the other Europeans.



As a huge Anglophile when it comes to music, it bothers me to no end that the UK keeps submitting such banal songs. I know they are trying to suck up to the Eurovision votes with a "we are the world" kind of aesthetic, but every year they are soundly rejected. And after Brexit, there is no way that the UK can bring that message to Eurovision in 2017. Even if they did, they will be roundly booed for being hypocrites and will be crushed.

However, as Rahm Emmanuel says "Never let a crisis go to waste." Knowing that they are going to lose anyway, now is the opportunity for the UK to pivot away from schlocky, crappy, high-minded tracks. Other countries don't hew to the winning formula and they are incredibly more interesting.

For example, here is Cyprus's 2016 track about being a werewolf:




The better example for the UK is (unfortunately for the UK) France in 2013. This performance is so unlike any other Eurovision performance that I have ever seen. It's intense, dark, seductive, and goes completely crazy by the end. (I don't know what she is saying but I am pretty sure it's not Kumbaya.) Naturally, Europe hated it:



This is what the UK needs to bring to post-Brexit Eurovision 2017. It needs to be snarling and unapologetic. It needs to be about materialism and greed. It needs to be massive and it needs to have the potential to explode/meltdown on stage. You know where this is going.

The UK needs Oasis.

And I can't think of anything else that would cause Liam and Noel to get back together than an opportunity to melt faces at Eurovision. But, if that doesn't work, I am sure there are 100 other bellicose lad-rock bands that would be more than willing to rip it up at Eurovision. You don't often get a chance like this, UK. Make the most of it.

God Help the Girl

Well, that was different.

The trailer for God Help the Girl came out in 2014 and I probably have watched it 15 or 20 times because I am a huge Belle and Sebastian fan. Christina even got me the soundtrack for Christmas and I have listened to it pretty consistently over the last six months. All these things had me convinced that the movie was going to be kinda Wes Anderson-y, quirky, twee, lighthearted. I mean, look at those reviews! "Charming!" Refreshingly unconventional!" "A delight!"

I don't know if I would call it any of those things.

To put it into Belle and Sebastian terms: I thought I was getting Century of Elvis and instead I got the Chalet Lines.

It's not as bleak as the Chalet Lines, but the whole plot (scattershot as it is) revolves around a girl who is living in an institution and is suffering from anorexia and depression.

There are charming moments: Anytime Cassie is on screen, the whole movie brightens up considerably. The canoeing scene is relaxed and great. James has some really great lines about music and bands. (Two that stand out: (1) The discussion about naming a band [*Doug paraphrasing* James: "Why do people who play music have to give themselves a name? It's ridiculous. There are three other lifeguards who work with me and we don't think we have to have a name just because we are a group." Cassie: "What about the Lifeboys?]; and (2) His feelings about David Bowie after Cassie says that the song she wants to write is a little bit like Bowie (*Doug paraphrasing* "Everyone goes through a Bowie phase, but you don't want to be like Bowie. I never shed a tear listening to Bowie. And that's what music should make you do.")

But it is also pretty heavy. And, yes, even though it was dealing with a heavier subject matter (I wasn't expecting to watch a movie where Eve pukes on the floor because her stomach isn't ready to hold food yet or to watch her go through depression jags on her couch), I was more than happy to give it a go. Some of the heaviness worked. For example, I thought the ending was great. It is bittersweet, not a solid happy ending or a solid sad ending across the board, but instead a varied ending with some happy, some sad, some indifferent endings for the characters.

The problem with the tone of the movie came with the performances. The movie Once has a similar kind of heavy and depressing vibe that runs through it, but the difference is that while the music is Once fits in with the story as they create music, some of the music in GHTG is done whimsically like a traditional movie musical (reality suspended, choreography, extra music). If the whole feel of the movie was quirky, this would have worked. Instead, it felt really out of place especially when followed by a scene of Eve taking her pills or in the hospital. I much preferred the straight-up performances.

And I think that best captures what I think about the movie overall. In the end, it never felt sufficiently...coherent. It's a muscle system that is missing all of the tendons and sinews and other connective tissue that tightly binds it together. There are great individual bits but it doesn't quite work together as a whole.

(Perhaps the greatest thing about the movie, though, is that Emily Browning as Eve, did a great job capturing the essence of a Belle and Sebastian female character. She is the cinematic version of Lazy Line Painter Jane, Judy, Sukey, and the others.)